I have a friend who tells dad jokes, but he’s got no kids…

What do you call a Hippie’s wife?

Mississippi!

Two Goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

What’s Forest Gump’s password?

1forest1

I would avoid the sushi if I were you. It’s a little fishy.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent.

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camoflage jacket… You can hide but you can’t run. (more)

This joke is in honor of one of my daughter’s friends. A tree fell on his legs when he was camping, asleep in his tent. One day my daughter got in a car accident with him as her passenger. The other cars’ occupants got out and asked if they could move their car out of traffic. He said, “I can’t I’m paralyzed.” They got a look of horror on their faces. Then he said, “No, not from this accident.”

One day he was talking smack about our Utah Utes from the car as my daughter went out with her friends. I yelled at him, “Why don’t you come in here, be a man stand up and say that to my face!” Everyone laughed. So please don’t go off on me. It’s a joke!