Four racial stories from my life (sorry so long, but I feel is pertinent)

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Putting it in football because it relates to the Scalley situation.

I am not condoning what Scalley did, because it looks bad. But… there is likely much more to the story. And honestly, nobody really cares about the rest of the story because they judge it on their own biases.

1. Not black enough!

When living in Virginia, around 2003, I used to slug, a casual carpool where people pick people up in a park and ride lot so they can use the HOV-3 lanes. Many days I was picked up by African Americans, black people, people of color. There was a particular black man whom I loved to get picked up by, he was in the Hawaii National Guard, a history teacher and we had great conversations. His great great great grandfather fought in the Civil War, for the South, as a free black man. He did Civil War re-enactments as a Southern Soldier. He often got sideways looks or asked what he was going. The pastor at his church one day told him many in the congregation were offended by his “Sons of the Confederate Veterans” license plate. In 2015 they discontinued the plates. But basically he was being told “He wasn’t black enough!” In spite of that being his history.

2. The N bomb

Another day while slugging I got picked up by a driver, and they put a rap song on repeat, generally the unwritten rule is to not play music others find offensive or just leave the radio off. However this driver put the rap song on repeat which was basically the N bomb repeated over and over and over again. By the time I reached work I had a headache, and I felt really uncomfortable with the constant use. I was talking to to a black co-worker and basically mentioned the experience, quoting the lyrics, not directing them toward him, and asking how that was acceptable. He was offended by the word escaping my lips and I’m not sure I ever got back his trust, I learned a very valuable lesson. White people cannot use the N word, EVER. Even when quoting a song, and mentioning how it made them feel uncomfortable. He knew I did not use that word in my daily conversations. Lesson learned.

3. Actions are important but sometimes appearance matters too.

So I actually was just having a conversation with my mother-in-law last weekend about racism. In my line of work, those who perform my type of job, are often accused of racial/citizenship profiling, and I find that patently offensive. We target behaviors not skin colors, religion, nationality, or citizenship. Anyway, after saying that, I cannot in good faith say black people are not targeted by others for their skin color. Yes, slugging again. I’m in the car with three others, all black and we are making our way up the HOV-3. We are going with the speed of traffic, however a State Police Officer pulls out and pulls us over. While it was likely due to the driver having a couple outstanding tickets, I can honestly say, listening to these three talk about the many times they’d been pulled over and stopped compared to my own experience, I realized racial profiling is real, and a burden most on here cannot even begin to comprehend.

4. Others can and will take offense

Here in Colorado I had an individual I worked with quite often, a black man, and we used to talk about how well he dressed. While in Virginia I had picked up some ties which looked like a black co-worker’s, and was explaining we called them black man ties. Which in our group was a total compliment. I started wearing bow ties about four years ago. One day we are at a meeting and I was wearing a black suit with a purple striped bowtie. This black friend (I don’t call him my black friend but use this to make sure it is understood WE were the ones conversing) and I were talking about my “black man bow tie” and the fact he really liked it. He was the only person of color in the entire room, the conversation was between he and I. About two weeks later my boss called me. “i’ve had a complaint about you. That you made a racist comment in a meeting. Have you ever used the term “black man bow tie?” I said yes and explained the situation, and offered to provide the contact information for the friend. He said, no need. I immediately called the man and asked if he was offended and apologized if I had in any way offended him. He said, “What are you talking about? We’re good.” He and I have very similar ways of thinking, and mindsets. We have even called each other our brother from another mother. He has since retired and I still call him every month or so. So sometimes others take it on themselves to become offended on behalf of others. I hate to use the term social justice warriors, but am not sure there is a better term.

When leaving Virginia for Colorado 9 1/2 years ago, my daughter asked if she’d have a black teacher in Colorado. See her Kindergarten and first grade teachers were black, as was her Principal. I sadly informed her she’d probably not ever have a black teacher again. I also had a black employee I supervised who was often taunted and ridiculed when returning to the neighborhood he grew up in after earning his PhD, one question he often heard, “You think you’re better than us now?” Diversity is not something you can just wish to understand. It takes being in the right places, seeking to understand others and not pre-judging to gain this gift. Not that I am an expert, but I certainly feel I have a better understanding than many.

So while the Scalley situation looks really bad, we don’t know the whole story. And if Shah was okay with Scalley using that term amongst them, I’m good with that. However, that is not an excuse to use it with others, even unintentionally. And yes there is a difference between ending it with an A or ER. I guess my input is wait for all the facts to come out before we persecute Scalley. Ignorant reactions are not really much better than the original disgression. And if you would be so kind as to explain why the Hutus and the Tutsis hate each other, I’d appreciate it.

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