I understand your point, and I agree in theory, but I am not sure I totally agree. Although the intent behind using different words may be the same, words have inherent meanings and force that have been developed and understood by society over time. So, while the subjective intent of a speaker may be the same, the effect is likely different. Does that matter for the speaker? Theoretically, no. But it would likely matter to the hearer due to their common understanding of the meaning behind the word.
Would one be just as upset if a stranger said: “f**k you” versus “love you”? Even if the speaker intended the same thing, probably not. Intent absolutely matters, but words also have objectively understood meanings that can be difficult to ignore. Of course, in theory, if a word’s meaning were to actually change in how it is understood by society, then it would be the same. However, until such time, one could reasonably argue that a person choosing to use a substitute word that is understood socially to have less malice and be less offensive indicates that the speaker intends to offend less, i.e., does not have the same intent. Of course, only the speaker can know what the intent really is, not the hearer.
BYU @ 
Utah 
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