Since when did youth sports turn parents into douches?

[Itacoatiara22]

I grew up playing on traveling basketball teams since I was 8, and was lucky enough to play in college. Never once do I remember temper tantrums or screaming and yelling from parents.
Tonight I went to my 7 year old’s flag football game. One of the parents could not seem to help himself. After every single play he was screaming, “Illegal rush, throw the flag! That’s a penalty.” I finally couldn’t take it anymore and had to say something. To which, he freaked out even more.
Is this a generational thing? I mean, 7 year old flag football? It’s shocking.

[Ghost of the HEB]

Few things bring out the psycho in people like youth sports. Amazing how some people can act like such jackasses with so little self-awareness.

[EagleMountainUte]

It was like that when I grew up where have you been? When I was 15 I reffed a deacons basketball tournament . I had a parent of a kid threaten to shove my own whistle up my ass. Yep a 40 something old threatened a 15 year old boy in a Church. 

 

[astUTE]

I coached my son’s soccer team from the year he was 4, through the year he was 14.  I took only kids with parents that I knew, or kids with parents that other team members knew personally.  One year, we had a new kid from divorced parents join.  The Mom was great, the kid was great, the Dad was a JackA$$.  I asked him to stay home and let his ex-wife brind the boy.  He came every game afterward and never said a word.

I coached, and/or did stats for my son’s basketball team from his age of 6 to 14.  Most of those teams were through the PARA league through our Cathloic Parish, or later in comp and AAU teams that were manned by mostly kids from the Catholic Leagues.  Generally, our team’s parents behaved, but I started to see more parents with real problems each year.

My son played soccer and basketball at Judge.  Again, most years, most games, most parents were well behaved.  I do recall a few incidents were parents of opposing teams got out of line, and on incident in which a fight nearly started and the police were call.

We played a soccer match at Judge, in my son’s Junior year, against a local high school (that I will not name).  Early in the match, a Judge player accidentally colided with an opponent with no malice, but injured the opponent.  The opponent left the field as was not able to return.  The opposing fans became so beligerant, and out of control, that my wife went home.  I stayed in the parking waiting for the game to end, rather then get goaded into losing my own temper at the way the opposing fans were acting.  Not my proudest moment, but I could feel myself losing it.

Competition brings out the best, and sometimes the worst in people.  My own experience with parents of the teams I coached was wonderful, but there was a lot of peer pressure from all the parents to keep everyone under control  – most of the parnets had older children and had lots of war stories to tell.

I was playing doubles recently at the tennis court at Sunnyside Park.  On the court next to us, was a 40ish man, great tennis player, “teaching” his, perhaps 10 year old son to play the game. He was pushing the boy to the brink.  would not allow him to leave the court until certain goals were met, and when the boy in frustration screamed about having to continue, the father demeaned the boy as a “loser and a complete failure”.  My group left after a few minutes of this, having no stomach for such in appropriate behavior.  I’ll bet the boy will become a good (not great), frustrated tennis player, will never accomplish the same level of achivement that the father had, and will always resent his father for such treatment.

All parents need to remember that they are NOT living their kid’s lives, teach them by example, proper sportsmanship and restraint, and let their kids decide how hard they want to compete.  It’s a pretty simple concept, that is apparaently very difficult for some people.

[Duhwayne]

I had a dad run my son’s high school coach off. The team was not listening to the coach and all the parents complained to each other. Whispering after the game with each other, like a bunch of mean girls. I finally told them that the team lost because they were soft and the worst dad’s son was a selfish ballplayer. I was not very popular. My son was captain that year and graduated, and the year after, the parents all got what they wanted–a new coach who kissed their asses. They won two games.

[astUTE]

One of the most influential people in my life, was a college professor. He was a mentor to me at a time when I needed to have someone push me forward, hard, but also tell me that he was pushing because I was worth it, and he owed it to me not to let off.

He often lamented, that college students were the only consumers in the world that did not want to get “their money’s worth”. They wanted grades, they wanted diplomas, they wanted success, they wanted a high paying job at the end of the experience, but they did not want to work hard enough to get everything they could out of each class.

Privately, he told me that I was a counter example.

I did not go to college until I was 26, because I knew it would be a waste of my time and my dad’s money. When I finally found the path that I ultimately followed, nearly 35 years ago, and went to college, I was married, owned a home, and it was a big sacrifice for me and my family to make it work.

It was the best choice (and actually the easiest) that I ever made – because it was the right choice at the right time.

I wanted my “money’s worth”. Not just in the Computer Science and Mathematics courses of my majors, but in Art, History, Physics, English, French, Literature, Geography… When I finally went to college, I wanted to get everything I could get out of the experience and was old enough, and had enough experience to understand the value of knowledge, not just in the areas that would lead to employment, but also in all areas that would improve me as a person.

Branford Marsalis’ comments were a more frank version of the comments of my mentor. Not literally true of all students, but for many, perhaps most, still true today, as I’m sure they were in Aristotle’s time.

[gUrthBrooks]

So your 7 year old is your first kid? I think it takes parents another 6 years to fully mellow out and over that time they begin to realize their kid won’t be all pro and that what the kid can learn from simply working hard, being a good teammate, having some failures and successes is more important that winning every game. Over time my son has finally realized too that being a little bit better than the next guy won’t cut it for high school politics. You have to show that your so much better, leave no doubt in the coaches mind. Parents playing the political games just isn’t worth it for our family, better to just get in the weight room, and or work on your craft.

Those are my random thoughts

[Itacoatiara22]

He is my first kid, and he is completely different than I ever was.  He honestly doesn’t have a competitive bone in his body, but is just happy to be out there with his friends.  I’m fine with that.  My parents never pushed me into anything, and I won’t be pushing my kids into it either.  The ammount of money, time and effort to try and get your kids in front of the others is crazy to me these days. 

I have a brother that spends roughly $400 a month on his oldest son’s comp. leagues.  Youth sports are at an all new level these days.

[utefansince79]

Didn’t really ever have any family members in youth football so may not know all the rules, but what exactly is an “Illegal rush”?  

 

But indeed it’s unsettling how seriously some parents take youth sports at such a young age, when all the children want to do is run around and have fun.

 

[Itacoatiara22]

Haha. I wondered what it was for a while too…I guess at this age you can’t rush the backfield until he hands the ball off…all I know is that this dude was dialed in on the game. It was his super bowl.

[sweetgrass]

guilty!

 

for those of you with young kids, you just wait.  Bad calls, unfair treatment, there aren’t many parents that deal with that perfectly every time.

 

my daughter played high school tennis for 4 years.  I literally would have to sit in the car and watch her or far enough away from others that I wouldn’t become a jackass.  Sometimes I’d find myself mad at my daughter when she wasn’t playing well.  My only option was to distance myself.

[EagleMountainUte]

You really can’t understand that your behavior doesn’t change anything?  Well scratch that, your support and positive behavior could affect one person: your daughter.  

[sweetgrass]

if you were there you might have cause to judge what was best

but I don’t think you were

[EagleMountainUte]

Correct I can only judge things based on what you said. If you don’t want a critique don’t share.

I will stand by what I said. Being positive and present for your child is literally the best way to make a difference. Being negative and not present doesn’t help the outcome or your children at all. 

[GameForAnyFuss]

Since when did youth sports turn parents into douches?

Pretty much since youth sports were invented.

I have coached youth soccer at a very high level (like, teams that are top 25 in the country) since 2005. If you think parents are bad at the AYSO/little league/Pop Warner level, wait until you see parents of kids who are hoping to play in college or professionally. These parents live and die by every starting lineup, every substitution, every good play, every bad play, every foul.

I’m at the point where I interview the parents of every kid before I’ll offer a roster spot to a kid.

I’ve also had the opportunity to coach the children of professional soccer players/coaches (who, not surprisingly, tend to have kids who are very good at the same sport). They are absolute saints. They never criticize, never get mad, and never second-guess the coach (even though they’ve forgotten more about the sport than I’ll ever know) or the referees. They have something the rest of parents don’t have: Perspective.

[Itacoatiara22]

As stated in my original post, I was lucky/fortunate enough to play basketball on a full scholarship in college…I’ve experienced first-hand the higher levels of athletics and still never remember seeing parents act this way. It wasn’t very long ago either.

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