[RoboUte]

If you have any remaining cosmic juice in those wishes don’t waste them on Utah. That’s like digging up a corpse to put a bandaid on it. Use it on your team.

[RoboUte]

Finally, statistical proof that Wilson is better than Rising. Truly a battle of titans. The race for 304 or the fall to 307 begins this week. Is America ready?

[RoboUte]

Don’t worry about us being wary or hating you outright we don’t hate anyone in the Big12 aside from BYU, who you’ll come to hate as well, ask most any fan with experience sharing a conference with them.

In terms of the online fanbase at this point it’s convenient that big 12 fans neatly separated themselves into two varieties. Those who are normal people, and a minority who spend all day on twitter baby-raging like balding, soon to be divorced, manlets. I know right off the bat which one is which by what they have to say about Utah. The fact of the matter is that the vast majority of fans of all teams simply aren’t very extreme and don’t have inflammatory opinions about other teams (other than BYU, who can choke on a bag of dicks. And trust me, a lot of missionaries come home to a girlfriend that has enthusiastically tried). What may not have occurred to you is that probably half of the most obnoxious Utah fan accounts you’re aware of are BYU fans. If that sounds strange, pathetic, or concerning to you, I would understand that, you might even doubt it. You’re simply going to have to believe the people who share a state with them. I assure you that it’s entirely on-brand and be thankful you’re not trapped in there with them as well.

Most Utah fans will agree that we’d rather be in the old PAC, but I also think that most Big12 fans can see why and the conversation can simply end there. We’re victims of a forced realignment that upended an ecosystem where we were enjoying athletic and academic/institutional success. Utah fans have no illusion that we’re the cream of the crop. We know we have a solid team, but we’ve been here for the failures, and now, for the precipitous nosedive of our coach.

We’re glad you’ve come to join us. As far as the game goes, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. We’re the worst Utah team in quite possibly 20 or 30 years. If you lose it’ll be because you somehow outdid us in earning it. While that’s not impossible, I wouldn’t count on it. There’s no point in comparing strengths, weaknesses, position groups, or even home field advantage, none of it has mattered in 2024 a bit. Our team isn’t even interested in being on the field most of the time and it shows.

Our QB is reportedly a pariah who is full of himself because his brother grifted one of the worst franchises in the NFL into drafting him, which they paid dearly for. Bowl eligibility is probably not in the cards for us in much the same way a reunion tour isn’t in the cards for Nirvana. You would be surprised in all of the ways our team is completely inept this year. We honestly might have net negative punt return yards.

Question for you: All of the Big12 fans seems pretty cool but I noticed that Oklahoma State and Kansas State ones are most offended by Utah’s presence, sometimes on a pretty visceral level. I don’t know much about or have a strong opinion on either so it’s weird to interact with somebody I have only heard of in passing to find that they’ve dedicated a weirdly large amount of time to hating me. Why do think that could be, or am I just seeing things?

[RoboUte]

BYU losing is being taken in stride by pretty much everyone because it was extremely clear that you can’t just rely on luck for an entire season. At some point it’s going to break the other way and honestly it took far longer than anyone should ever reasonably expect.

[RoboUte]

Wow not even the Mono misdirection worked! It’s like the only ideas we have left to try to win football games is to hide who’s starting. Good teams win by being better, not this idiotic cloak and dagger s**t. Hiding which flavor of s**t is in the s**t smoothie still leaves you with a s**t smoothie. The AD needs to save everyone from Whitt and Whitt from himself

[RoboUte]

He’ll be the first to tell his mom it was his choice to go out there, and I’m sure it was. But damn if they knew the specific injury you’ve got to throw in botari

[RoboUte]

No I don’t think it is. But all hope is not lost. I think we have a good chance of taking one of our remaining

[RoboUte]

I have to agree, is twitter really serving anybody at this point? What does it invite into your life, and is anything you’re reading important enough for the 8 hours a day it demands?

Can we just get back to drugs and alcohol as the good lord intended? The stories will be a lot more rad and we can at least grab brunch afterward.

[RoboUte]

Problem is it’s clearly her account.

[RoboUte]

Compromised? Putin has gotten to Harlan?

[Author]

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